So I was minding my own business last night, taking a quick peek at the Twitter feed, when the following post popped up on my screen from @absolutspacegrl:
Denver voters to decide whether their tax dollars should be spent on creating an "extraterrestrial affairs commission"
There must be some misunderstanding, I thought. People don't "vote" on "forming extraterrestrial commissions" any more than they "vote" to "have municipal garbage collectors dump trash on the steps of city hall." I clicked the link. What I found was, as my Twitter pal Luke later put it, a gift that keeps on giving.
To be sure, I do realize it's that time of year...the time of year when ghouls and goblins come out attacking everyone and we all pretend like it's normal. I'm talking, of course, about midterm elections. But I was still a little taken aback to confirm that indeed, the great city of Denver has somehow managed to attach to the very bottom of their ballots a small eensy weensy measure on the formation of a coalition to investigate UFOs and other instances of extraterrestrial beings here on Earth. It is real, folks. It is called Initiative 300, and it has a music video, "Pink UFO."
Just so you know, aside from being the official music video of Initiative 300, this production—which stars (alleged) hip hop musicians TIME and Damon Jevon—was created to raise awareness about the fact that there's a cure for breast cancer floating about the heavens somewhere, and that the ETs have so nicely offered to give it to us, but the U.S. government won't let us take it from them. You. Can. Not. Make. This. Stuff. Up. (Of course I now have to decide whether to add this to my pink post; I should probably refrain.)
A quick glance at the website for Initiative 300 gives away the madness. I must admit it was heartening to find out that Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson were both alien fans before they died, and that Ronald Reagan was followed by a UFO once, but he didn't have the cojones to report it. But it got better. Luke alerted me to an article pointing out that in 2014, a group of representatives from eight civilizations from various nearby stars and constellations will be dropping in on the United Nations general assembly for a little chat with us. Do they get diplomat parking privileges with that? I can only imagine the rubbernecking along First Avenue when those guys fly into town. Or maybe they can beam themselves in? Perhaps JJ Abrams can clue us in on that one.
So clearly, some folks in Colorado have been watching a few too many Balloon Boy YouTube reruns, I thought to myself. Hopefully Denverites will see right through this and vote a resounding 'over my dead body.' But then...then I found out that the organizers of Initiative 300 are already targeting New York for a similar ballot proposition! And now it gets personal. So all I will say is this: If my posse of Flying Spaghetti Monster-fearing droogs and I have to raise some hell and kick some snooty New York ass on account of this unscientific horseshit, then by golly, it will be done. We will not be voting on the aliens, thank you very much!! And to those of you in Denver next week: If you know what's good for you, VOTE NO ON 300. &infin